“When a couple has a troubling incident but choose to avoid discussing it, the memory of the event stays like a stone in your shoe” Gottman.
William Faulkner once said “the past is never dead. In fact, it isn’t even past.” When we ignore a troubling event and choose to rather continue without ever addressing it and processing it, we end up carrying it around with us like a stone in our shoe.
So in a way we end up continuing to live in the past. Because, until the past has been processed, we can’t let it go. It keeps sneaking up on us.
Ignoring the stone in your shoe can end up being more painful than dealing with it.
If you find that you and your partner often end up bringing up the same issues in a quarrel, time and time again. Then perhaps there are a couple of stones in your shoes that you need to take out.
Sometimes all this takes is a few honest conversations with your partner. While these might seem uncomfortable at first, and no-one ever wants to sit down and have a difficult time. These conversations can lead to a stronger and more intimate relationship.
If you aren’t used to this, and you don’t know where to even begin, a couple’s therapist can help to guide you gently through this process.
Choose a stronger relationship, choose to address the troubling events that we are all presented with from time to time, take that stone out of your shoe.
If you are unsure about whether or not online therapy is right for you and your partner, I offer a free consultation. It’s just a chance for us to meet each other, and for you to get a sense of what online therapy with me is all about. You can book a free consultation on my website.